Heading into the weekend-with the weather forecast not good, I am kind of hoping to be able to make it through all the softball games, the recent spate of rain outs has made my carefully balanced schedule a mess. Sometimes it’s like being in a maze, and trying to find the way out.
So, all things being equal, it’s 9.0 softball tonight, a double-header tomorrow with 11.5 at 3:45 and 9.0 at 6. We wrap the softball weekend up Sunday morning with 11.5′s game at 9AM-which is usually when my weekly softball game is. So that’s not happening already.
All of this is to make up for games lost this week to random changes and rainouts. Despite losing the entire weekend to softball-it’s better than trying to juggle more during the week.
And speaking of during the week, it was a kind of eventful as it ended.
A friend and co-worker gave his notice that he was leaving, so we rolled out for a farewell event Wednesday night. Yeah, we had a few too many but we both made our way back to Penn Station. He went left to the NJ Transit side, and I went downstairs to the LIRR after saying good night. By the time I sat down on my train, my friend committed the greatest sin of corporate life in 2012-drunk emailing. Despite having two days left to go he was fired.
As for me, my Thursday morning was tough. I got the girls out with their breakfasts as usual, and made my way (with a hangover) to the train. Then the effect of drinking on me-I left my bag with my laptop and train ticket at home. So back into the car and back home (25 minutes each way) so I could get onto a train and make it through the rest of the work week, trying to piece together how Wednesday night got so sideways.
As if that were not enough, then comes the personal side of life-where I struggle and try to learn one lesson at a time. Each time I think I have a lesson learned (this one about communication) to pieces it goes. Personal life back to the drawing board too….
Ah well, it’s the weekend. If the rain holds out, it’s about four weeks until the end of softball season.
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There are a lot of people who can speak to this subject of work life balance far more eloquently and with more passion than I can. But somewhere along the line today, I realized that somehow I have lived a crash course of splitting time and attention-and while not “text-book” in my approach, it works.
For the uninitiated work-life balance is how you manage the 24/7 demands of work and the 24/7 demands of life and all the components like family, personal time and the subsets that hang off of them. There are lot’s of online resources to read-in on, so I won’t go into deep detail.
While it’s easy to think about the balance being equal parts work, self, family, friends-the reality is it’s not.
Ultimately the self covers all the buckets-and the balance has to start from within. It’s easy to set rules and guidelines about creating the balance. No checking work emails at night and on weekends is great on paper (or on the computer monitor) but not really practical.
There are times I have to step out of the professional world and into the dad world-but the professional world needs attention. For my balance I need to deal with work in real-time even while being in dad mode.
The moments when I do get some personal downtime, my iPhone is not far away-because that’s my tether to my kids. They know (because I have told them so often) at any time they need me, day/night/school/home/friend, my phone is how to get hold of me. So it’s never too far away. And since I am only one text away from having to drop everything and become dad, the work phone (yes I do keep a work phone and a personal phone) is never too far away.
For me, I guess my balance is about being able to be present in the moment-whenver or wherever that moment occurs.
It’s been nearly two-weeks since I’ve had the chance to update my blog, and I have to tell you the issue was more about technical limitations that time crunch or just not having anything to say. And as you’ll see, this blog was going to be far different than it turned out-at the end of the day the company I use to host this blog (Network Solutions) kind of out of nowhere decided to practice really good customer service and I have to say thank you.
So, all of this goes back to the start of the month, when I realized I could not log into the tool that lets me update the blog, add pictures etcetera. Now, this has happened in the past and I kind of knew where to look for the issue and trouble shoot. So, last week I spent the better part of three hours doing just that. Guess what? It was an all new problem.
Anyone who knows me knows I am a true guy, and never call for help. But I had to. So into the queue for Network Solutions Customer service. That was about an hour on hold and another 40 minutes with a customer service rep (CSR). So now I am about five hours into trouble shooting and the CSR the night I called told me the host had applied a PHP security patch and there was something I could do on WordPress to update settings. Email would be arriving with the information.
No email.
I spent some time going back and forth with Network Solutions on Twitter while I was at work-and despite not really being able to directly help me with much, they were very responsive. When I got home that night, it was back on the phone with Network Solutions. This time I was very annoyed and asked for a supervisor. What I found out on this call was the information about the security patch was all wrong and the fix involved making a change to my hosted account and updating the PHP via FTP.
Since it was Tuesday night when I got this information, and I don’t actually write PHP code I figured this would all wait until today-and this blog post would be first out of the blocks but with a different tone.
Then came a surprise. This morning I got a call from John at Network Solutions and he fixed the problem-and he explained it as they applied a PHP patch and it reset to default settings a bunch of accounts (including mine) PHP memory.
Now, I dabble in these types of areas professionally, and for the first time I felt like I was actually getting a straight answer from Network Solutions.
The night I made my second call, and the CSR supervisor was telling me that the patch had nothing to do with the outage, I was outraged. I know in my job had I done something that caused entire sites to go down, I would be fired. The supervisor tried to up sell me a site monitoring package-which I don’t need except for when Network Solutions applies rogue patches without determining the result.
So, thank you to the Twitter team at Network Solutions and thank you to John to made a change this morning. My contract with Network Solutions runs until February and I can say this. While this does not mean I am not changing my host, I will certainly look around.
Another day-another sick call and another race home. This time though it was a new twist on the old theme.
For the first time (and I want to reiterate the first time), my sitter who is here in the afternoon with the girls came up sick. So instead of a call from the school nurse at 9:15, this time it was a text from her at 12:15.
The good news for me was the meeting part of my day was largely done with-but I had to do some prep for three key meetings tomorrow. Work that is easily transferable to the train.
Based on timing, I could make it. 11.5 would be home about 10 minutes before I got home and I would go right to the bus stop to meet 9.0. That all fell into place quickly.
The wild card though is tomorrow-as noted, I have three key meetings tomorrow. Not a lot of room to slide things around. So along with the meeting prep, I spent some time coming up with a tomorrow strategy as well.
All of that in place, in time to do the Hebrew school car pool-get back home do a little more work and make dinner.
Just another day juggling on the single parent express.
One of the lessons of business that I’ve had to learn and re-learn along the way, is that not matter how connected you are via email, instant messenger, text message, Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter-or whatever else-there is no replacement for FaceTime with client, partner or someone you are either in business with or want to be in business with.
As a single parent, there is a lot to juggle to be omnipresent when necessary both at home where the demands are compelling and at work where the demands are compelling for different reasons. My good friend Judy Martin is far more eloquent on the science of the balance of work and life, so I won’t try to recreate her work.
My experience here is far more practical and filled with trial and error-and less about the scientific approach. There are points that you know will need planning and patience ( June leaps to mind quickly) and the sudden moments (the sick call leaps to mind here) where you have to be light on your feet.
There is a balance to be struck. There is nothing to me more important that my kids and being the best parent I can. Long ago I surrendered trying to be two parents wrapped in one. But it requires sacrifice to make it work. Some of the sacrifices are waking up at four in the morning to go to the gym-I look at it as uninterrupted “me” time. Some if it is being ahead of the issue and setting up ground rules early so when I have to spend the morning working with 9.0 on her science project, 11.5 knows she can’t be in the middle of the effort-and sometimes
In business, my approach to work-life balance is to be as available as I can be. Yesterday (a Saturday) I did spent a few hours working on some business models to apply over the next few weeks. This gives me some currency to handle surprises as they come up-and also allow me to be more flexible in my scheduling.
But FaceTime requires two or more people to be able to align their schedules-and with the press of calls, webex, email and chat conferences-the window to sit across from someone gets smaller and smaller. Some of my best meetings are over breakfast. While I have not really analyzed this, I believe it’s because the meeting takes place outside the crush of the rest of the day.
But it’s a balancing act-along a high wire without a net below. Be there for my kids. Be there for work to provide for my kids. Nothing beats FaceTime…it’s a balancing act though to keep it real.
It happened again. Got out of the subway and there was the vibration of voicemail on my iPhone. took a look at the missed calls-it was the school nurse. And so another day went from normal to flipped on its head.
This time it was 11.5 with a stomach bug of some kind. I tried to get hold of the sitter-but could not track her down, so it was jump a train and make the run or hope to hear back from the sitter…
Back down the subway steps and back to Penn Station I went.
Just once I wish that call would come before I got on the train, or maybe half way through my trip. But it never does.
Upshot-11.5 is feeling better. Looks like it’s school tomorrow for her and since my Thursday was such a mess, I’m back in the office on Friday-going to try it again.
That call is still the toughest element to handle as a single parent. I’m pretty sure at this point I can plan for just about anything-but undoing the plans is often my undoing. I’m not sure its supposed to get better or easier, thankfully it’s generally infrequent.
After a week-long business trip in Vegas, the thought was I’d be able to come home to a long weekend and kind of catch up. So much for best laid plans.
Yeah, there was plenty to catch up on from the week that was. The kicker though, the plan to take the MLK Day off and unwind has fallen apart. So, now it’s a work from home (WFH) day. The girls are off with friends and I have a full call docket.
Grinding from a week away to the daily grind and back into the work grind.
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I got word last night that an old friend and colleague passed away after what must have been a gut wrenching time for her family. Nicole Nogid and I worked together what seems like a lifetime ago at News 12 Long Island.
Over the years, since we both left News 12 (and I did a return stint) and moved on with our lives, we did not stay particularly close, but from time to time we did manage to get in touch by email, the rare call and more recently (and more often) via Facebook or LinkedIn.
There are so many eloquent things that have been said about Nicole-and many of my former colleagues from my first News 12 Long Island days are saying them now-her smile, her laugh, her great disposition-I won’t try to echo those memories. They are true, very real and very much capture Nicole.
Along with a great working relationship (and a couple of local Emmy awards), Nicole and I shared a point in our lives that I know from my side very few know about. At about the same time I was working through the mental hopscotch of proposing to my wife, Nicole was in the process of becoming engaged and married.
For very different reasons neither of us had a great outcome to our married lives.
But I will always remember Nicole for taking the time to help me through the process of getting there-I am not sure I could have done it without out her.
We spent a lot of time-after working on scripts and editing video (Roosevelt School District stories for those with long memories) talking about relationships-which neither of us were very good at.
Over the New Year weekend, someone close to me joked that I compartmentalize things-I have a woman I go see when I need jewelry, there’s the woman who helps me at the dry cleaner, there’s the guy at the butcher counter at the produce and meat stores-and in that moment in time, there was Nicole the woman helping me a huge decision.
While life is not perfect-and Nicole would certainly admit to that as freely as I do-mine is better for having known Nicole. Thank you.
Any parent in any situation knows all too well that being a parent is a full-time job. 24/7, we never close.
A single parent will tell you sometimes the job is more than 24/7-because you constantly have to look ahead and try to figure out how to make disparate parts come together.
Between work, home, school, religious school, after school activities, family obligations and holidays there is a lot to have to juggle and keep moving ahead in a connected (and hopefully well thought out) way.
And then come the surprises.
11.0 needs to go to a specialist today for a relatively minor issue and it causes a ripple across the entire ecosystem. A day off from work, out of school early, impact on after school activities-and oh yeah, all the stuff for tomorrow and the next day need to stay on track.
UPDATE:
As expected, 11.0 is on a watch program. Have to build in visits to the orthopedic doctor every three months for the next couple of years. That seems viable, right?
Traditional, two parent couples can do the divide an conquer. It’s still a lot to manage-no slight to anyone. But let’s face it, the tasks can be split in some way that makes sense for that family. Even in a divorce/separated situation-there is a likelihood if not more that when the true new wrinkle comes up there is a way to ease the impact.
For widowed folks, we can ask family or friends to help-and I am a lot better about that-but still keeping the trains running on time and making it all fit together falls onto one person.
So, here I am on PTO from work waiting for noon so I can go get 11.0 out of school. Of course 9.0 is upset because she doesn’t get to leave school early. And without even knowing what the doctor will say, I am already plotting out what we can do to maximize the time and place we’ll be in later this afternoon….
The beat goes on.
It would not be news to anyone to say we live in a 24/7/365 kind of world. Between tablets, smartphones, connected devices etc-we are really always on and really always reachable. I have a good friend who blogs about that work-life balance, but that is not what this is about.
This is about the 24/7/365 life that a single parent leads-and my wonderment if there is a way to find a balance in that life. A different friend of mine reminded me of that this morning. He is with his kids for a week, playing the role of Mr. Mom (he’s separated from his wife) and dealing with all the comings and goings-and trying to keep pace.
It’s the kinds of things I take for granted now-the shuttling to friends, the random calls for “I need this dad,” at nine at night, the keeping up with the schedules etc.” And then oh yeah can I have a life too?
It’s a 24/7 effort just to keep up.
Yesterday was a great use case. Before driving more than 600 miles round the trip for work, I had to go help my sitter who was involved in a fender bender on her way to help 11.0 get ready for school picture day. Then I drove 632 miles round the trip for a 2.5 hour meeting for work. On the way to the meeting, I booked the home heating guy to come over for the start of the heating season, did two conference calls for work, fielded a recruiter’s call and made two recommendations for a job she is looking to fill and then caught up with two friends I had not spoken to in a while.
Then came the meeting-where I had to present and gather information, before getting back into the car and making the return trip (5.5 hours). By the time I hit the car, the girls were home from school-so on top of bringing my boss up to speed on the meeting and circling up with the co-worker who made the trip as well it was time to remotely deal with the home front.
8.5 wanted to sleep at a friend’s, no problem. 11.0 developed a canker sore. 8.5 needs new socks (really she needs to put away her old socks). 11.0 was invited to a birthday party and needs a gift. Oh yeah, I need to figure out when to have a life.
It is sadly true. The time I get to reflect on these issues and think about them is the 40 minutes each day spent driving to and from the train station. That has become the time to contemplate the next set of issues and figure out what will be the next round of solutions.
24/7 living-ain’t it grand?
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