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As I mentioned yesterday, the schedule this weekend is a mess, and the eventuality that would not help the most occurred, a rain out of 9.0′s softball game. The funny thing about the rain out is it came as the sun came out for the first time all day. I guess the fields were not in safe and playable condition…
Anyway, with a suddenly open night with the girls (I was work from home on Friday) we set out to begin chipping away at the next major hurdle that looms, the camp checklist 2012 edition. In a four-hour excursion we hit three stand-alone stores, four or five places at the mall and dinner. The haul was rain boots, rain coats (you have no idea how tough it is to find these items), sandals, flip-flops and socks. Plus a nice dinner at Bobby Flay’s burger place.
Before going out, the girls did an inventory of shorts, t-shirts and bathing suits and I think we are all good there, so we are pretty close to being shopping complete for camp.
When all is said and done I can easily say I used my time wisely and we accomplished a lot.
But then came the nagging feeling the while we accomplished a lot, could the “found” time have been better utilized? In one semi-failed relationship, one not started relationship and one I can’t figure out what is going on relationship-time and scheduling have been at the crux of the breakdowns. Largely the way I schedule time and the lack of time I schedule for myself.
So, yes I was a good parent and we did a lot. But was I as good to myself as I could be? As I looked back in the mirror this morning brushing my teeth (I did not shave) I thought about this and all in all I am good with where I’m at and what I’ve done and will do over the course of this weekend and into next month.
The girls and I are a package. We are all in this together and anyone who wants to be in has to understand this.
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I realized today (although I had tried to figure out where to slot it in for a couple of weeks now), this year’s run up to camp is about to hit full throttle. There are 62 days until the girls ship off for their second season of camp fun, I am determined to take the lessons from last year and apply them to this year.
This means trying to get out in front and sorting through the needs versus the optional, getting a jump on labels and packing, and be efficient in shopping.
Or, I can kind of wait until the last-minute.
The reality is, I’ll end up being somewhere between because there just are not enough hours in a day much less actual downtime to carry out everything over the next nine weekends-but we’ll give it a try. To that end, it started today.
I pulled out the bins of blankets, towels and other stuff stored away last summer and sorted through what was there and what wasn’t. The first big order was placed replace some stuff from last year and add to the collection of stuff that they didn’t have last year but really do need.
Next up is doing an inventory of what is available and then making time to hit the stores. I guess we’ll let the good times roll.
It’s 6:30 this morning. Both girls are sort of up and moving about getting ready for school. Today is the fist day of the New York State ELA test. When they accuse teachers of teaching the test, in NY this is the one they are talking about.
As for me as I sip coffee I am rolling through my mind the mountain I will have to move between now and four this afternoon, when a second mountain needs to be moved. Today is one of those days when a two parent household could divide and conquer-with some effort but nothing Herculean.
Here, it’s a sense of keeping the balls in the air long enough to check things off the list and avoid being conquered since there is no way to divvy up the tasks.
Along with a full schedule of meetings and deliverables I will take on via VPN since there is no way I could survive the day with four hours of commuting layered in, I also need to call two doctors and set up appointments (one for me and one for 11.5).
Because of the opening day festivities for the girls softball season over the weekend I need to swing by the place 11.5 will have her Bat Mitzvah and put down the deposit and book it.
Then I need to print out the medical forms for summer camp and get them up to the pediatrician’s office (and pay off the balance for camp).
All of that needs to happen by four-because then it’s time for the second mountain. 9.5 has a dentist appointment (cavity in a baby tooth that needs to be taken care of) and straight to softball.
The reality is that’s just a lot of running around and timing to make it all work. But that all comes after a day of running around (NYC commute, home, change, 11.5 softball).
I suppose to divide some of this would be easier, but right now it’s just trying to avoid being conquered.
As we wind down the Sunday where we “spring ahead” and the days become longer-I realize now that longer days are what I need to get through the end of the school year and get the girls off to camp. The only problem is in my mind, the longer day is like another six hours, and not more sunshine in the same 24.
This weekend featured the start of the softball season for both girls. This is the third season they are playing, and I am pretty sure it started a week earlier than normal-so we’ll have to make a run to get some new gear. I had planned on that anyway, but thought I had another week.
From here its four weeks until the season starts. It looks like both will have one or two practices during the week and then a practice on Saturday. About half the mid-week practices are direct conflicts with Hebrew school, and much to 9.0′s already stated chagrin Hebrew wins during practice. During the season we’ll evaluate on a game-by-game basis.
Add into the mix is the end of the last third of the school year which includes several events that are open to parental particiaption-which I think it’s important to make so I do.
Then we have to get all the camp stuff ready which will need some counting and a bunch of shopping.
New to this year’s mix, 11.5 and I need to figure out where her Bat Mitzvah will be and put together a plan of some kind to get ready for her Bat Mitzvah next year.
And for 11.5 being in middle school this year, we add finals week to the mix so I have to evaluate child care and how to manage those days.
Oh yeah, I’ll also need to work and take care of the usual day-to-day stuff that just gets done.
So yeah, it will be nice to have more daylight. But what would be really nice is some more day.
There certainly is no shortage of lists that try to tie 2011 together in a neat bow. There are lists for almost everything including a list of lists, then there are lists for music, TV shows, web sites, search terms…you name it, there’s a list. Hell, even I made a list for 2011, so there truly is a list for everything, right?
This blog post though, won’t be another 2011 list.
When I think about 2011 I think about it in different terms. This year, for the first time in more than 10 years there wasn’t a “what if” cloud hanging over us. There was no shudder each time the phone rang that this was going to be “the” call.
Instead, for us, 2011 was about stability and finding a rhythm.
Things weren’t perfect, there was a lot of trial and error, but all in all it worked out and 2012 should be even better-because there was a lot we all learned about ourselves in 2011.
When I look back-I can see how quickly the year went by. January to June was a run up to camp. Along the way was softball, skiing and a lot of figuring out how to manage through the end of 2010 and the changes we all lived through.
Things slowed down a bit in the summer-as the girls were off at camp, and the break was needed. We did get some work done in the house and I managed to successfully navigate the world of hardwood flooring choices and paint samples (what an awful process that is for sure).
Once camp was over was a quick roll up to school-which for me meant a trip (or three) to th mall for back to school shopping.
In a rare first for me at least, I managed to get a little ahead with holiday shopping-and I can say it now, at the end of August I bought two pairs of Ugg boots-a huge Chanukkah hit here in the house. I can say now, I had 8 gifts-ranging from the boots, to cell phones, to Broadway show tickets with two weeks to spare.
During all that time-both girls were doing well in school. We introduced a full-time sitter in the house to keep the stability….
And collectively we take a break now heading to 2012-and hopefully head into a year of more of the same-because all in all, 2011 didn’t suck.
So there’s no list for the single dad, there’s not Auld Lang Syne playing in the background…instead we tip our hats collectively to the year that was…and we hope that you and your friends and families join us in 2012.
So, we made it. Individually and collectively, we’ve made it to the holiday break. This means a new year is upon us, which also gives us a chance to look back at the year that was.
It’s a chance to glean a lesson, reflect on what has happened and perhaps more importantly take those lessons and go forward.
At least for us, 2011 was a year of immense transition, so many things occurred, so many people came into our lives and so much has gone on-it’s great to take a moment and take a breath.
It would be folly for me (or any of us of that matter) to try to go through a list and thank everyone for the love, support and help we’ve had over the last 12 months-we would leave too many people out and not do justice.
Instead, I hope everyone will accept from me (and 11.0 and 9.0) our eternal thanks for all you have done to be there for us-and know when we can we try to pay it forward and we are committed to doing just that.
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With all the comings and goings on the start of the month over-even though the holidays loom just ahead somehow it’s easier to sit back now and just deal with the day-to-day.
The best context I have for that is from my newsroom days after breaking news where you try to get back to the humdrum of the day. Yeah, there’s still a lot you have to do but that extra pull is not there, the adrenaline rush has subsided and we are back to our regular programming.
For us here at home, it’s not the worst thing at all-to just go about it in mostly regular fashion. Getting holiday gifts, checking the lists and all the other stuff.
But I have to wonder if every December will have the edge that this year did, or without the events if it gets a little easier. I suppose at this point, I have 11 months to figure out that question. In the meantime, it’s all about getting through the holidays (because that’s a marathon under any circumstance), and then time to start thinking about camp and camp supplies-as the six month push to get ready gets started.
Mixed into the hustle and bustle of the weekend that was came news that the mother of two girls my kids went to camp with this summer passed away after a long battle with breast cancer. That’s a lot of similarity to my house-and I spent a lot of time on Friday trying to figure out if or how I would tell the kids about this bit of news.
One of the nice things about the camp they went to is the family feel that it has-and the way they sustain it through the winter. Barely a month after coming home the girls have been in touch with many from camp, I’ve been on the phone with the director and assistant director-it’s more than just a business venture for the camp.
And reality is that is part of what sold me that this was the right place to send the girls.
Then came the news-and a flurry of email activity among parents about how to coordinate a gift from the girls. In the background to that was my mental tug of war over how to handle this. I could easily send a card from the family and contribute for the gift-but that’s not how I’ve handled any of this with the girls and there was no need to make a change now.
First I told 8.5. The younger sister was in her bunk and they were friends. She handled it well, and even volunteered to be there for her friend if she needed someone to talk to. It’s not an exclusive club-but at that age knowing you are not the only one is important.
Then I told 11.0. In her case, the older of the girls is a couple of years older, so 11.0 knew her but they weren’t close. Still my daughter wanted to extend the offer to be there for her friend-as someone who has gone through the affects cancer can have on a family.
For me, it’s a proud moment-albeit tinged with sadness. I never wanted what my girls went through to define them-the same as I tried not to let my father’s death when I was young define me. Rather, I want their experience to be part of their person-and for them to be able to use what they lived through and what they survived as a way to help them in life.
In this first test-I would say they did a great job, and I am proud. I”m just not sure if I can tell them just how proud I am.
The girls are home, and within hours we’re back to what is our normal. I think that’s a good thing, right?
It was a very long day for me-which included a trip to the Stop and Shop early, and then a family event before making a run out to Adelphi to get the girls. The back drop for the day was near torrential and continuous rain, which for the start of the day was appropriate.
I got to the camp bus drop off point about 20 minutes ahead of scheduled drop off, and given the vagaries of the weather and the nature of leaving upstate and making stops in New Jersey and Westchester first-I figured at least 40 minutes late. Which was not all that bad since it would give me a few minutes to transition from cemetery and unveiling to being ready to hear camp stories.
Buses were on time, so time to be on.
The ride home was kind of amazing really, listening to the back and forth banter and a near constant stream of stories of color war (last week) and random camp moments from the 8 weeks that were. Both girls said it went too quick and both are ready to go back next year. And all things being equal, they can count on it. I think the break did wonders for all of us.
And based on today, and the unveiling, I think I need to put more thought into how I am going to handle Risa’s. While not an overtly religious event or steeped in Jewish lore-it is emotional (albeit short). But that is a conundrum for another day.
For now, 8.5 is across the street with her friend (he met them on the porch as we pulled up). 11.0 has retreated to her room (BTW, HUGE score on the fresh paint) with her bestie. It’s a summer Sunday and we’re back to normal.
Although folks who know me from reading here may be slightly behind the curve (I’m sorry about that BTW, trying to figure out a way to write more) everyone else from Twitter to the train knows my girls come home from camp tomorrow.
In the 8 weeks they’ve been gone, largely I managed to get most of what I wanted to get done complete. Some home renovations, new job started, took care of me a little and I think for the most part really was able to step back and slow down a little.
Today is dedicated to finishing off a few items before I meet the bus tomorrow afternoon and reunite with the girls. Based on their letters home, I think they are feeling ready to come home from camp. The plan once they are home is to just let them have some time to unwind and decompress before school starts. They went from school on Friday to camp on Saturday at the end of June. So now, in mid-August is their chance to just hang-and hopefully between the new flat screen TV, freshly painted rooms and other stuff and see friends they’ll be able to do that.
But somehow the beat goes on. And there is never a shortage of stuff to do. There was the call from my brother on Wednesday that tripped me up-mostly because I was having a tough day, but still a family matter to deal with.
Then there’s Sunday before I pick up the girls.
I was just going back in my blog, and realized I never really got into the passing of my uncle, which occurred between the passing of my aunt (which I wrote about here) and the passing of my wife which is well documented here. My uncle’s passing while not completely unexpected had many twists and turns-some of which remain open family matters today.
Back to Sunday, before picking up the girls, it’s the day of my uncle’s unveiling. It’s really not a religious event, but it is a family gathering, and I will be there before going to the girls-which adds some pressure to getting things done today. There will be mood swings a plenty for sure. And it will all come, before the reunion.
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