Mixed into the hustle and bustle of the weekend that was came news that the mother of two girls my kids went to camp with this summer passed away after a long battle with breast cancer. That’s a lot of similarity to my house-and I spent a lot of time on Friday trying to figure out if or how I would tell the kids about this bit of news.
One of the nice things about the camp they went to is the family feel that it has-and the way they sustain it through the winter. Barely a month after coming home the girls have been in touch with many from camp, I’ve been on the phone with the director and assistant director-it’s more than just a business venture for the camp.
And reality is that is part of what sold me that this was the right place to send the girls.
Then came the news-and a flurry of email activity among parents about how to coordinate a gift from the girls. In the background to that was my mental tug of war over how to handle this. I could easily send a card from the family and contribute for the gift-but that’s not how I’ve handled any of this with the girls and there was no need to make a change now.
First I told 8.5. The younger sister was in her bunk and they were friends. She handled it well, and even volunteered to be there for her friend if she needed someone to talk to. It’s not an exclusive club-but at that age knowing you are not the only one is important.
Then I told 11.0. In her case, the older of the girls is a couple of years older, so 11.0 knew her but they weren’t close. Still my daughter wanted to extend the offer to be there for her friend-as someone who has gone through the affects cancer can have on a family.
For me, it’s a proud moment-albeit tinged with sadness. I never wanted what my girls went through to define them-the same as I tried not to let my father’s death when I was young define me. Rather, I want their experience to be part of their person-and for them to be able to use what they lived through and what they survived as a way to help them in life.
In this first test-I would say they did a great job, and I am proud. I”m just not sure if I can tell them just how proud I am.
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